Hey. I don't know how you would read into that question. Do you laugh at it thinking in your head what is the necessity of asking that question? Well, i totally get you. But don't you agree it is an important question since we are human beings and it's significant that we are clear about it because our understanding about what human being is would affect how we do our lives, as human beings. Let's shed some light on it. 

You must have heard of a story where four blind men tried to figure out what an elephant is. These four men because of their blindness, can't see an elephant the way we see and know it. First blind men touched the side and said elephant is like a wall, it's flat. Second blind men touched the trunk and concluded the elephant is like a snake. Third blind men touched the limb and confirmed the elephant is like a tree. Fourth men touched the tail and determined that everyone else was wrong because it is similar to a rope. We all know this story very well that what they have touched as part of the body of the elephant is indeed true and real. However, they alone don't represent the whole animal. A compartmental thinking can be limiting and could potentially mislead oneself. 

We learn from schools, where we were taught, that human beings are social creatures. It is true. We learn also that human beings are different from other creatures because we are meaning makers. We make sense of things. That's correct. Human beings unlike other creatures have a sense of worship. Therefore in the human world, we have religions that show and teach practices of worship.

The Bible tells us that human beings were created in the image of its Creator, God (Genesis 1:27). In God's image means that we are created to resemble God, we take after Him. One part that we take after God is the relational self. Adam, the first man created from him we came from, was created relational. Adam was in relationship with God and with Eve, which happened later after she's created. Before Adam had relationship with another human, he had relationship with God from the very beginning. We mentioned here that the relational self of Adam came from God. Yes, God is relational. The Triune God was in relationship in communion since eternity before the earth was created. We are created like Him to be in relationship with Him and with one another. Notice that before Eve was created, God mentioned it wasn't good that Adam be alone (without any other human). Therefore, relationship with one another, in horizontal level, is how God wired us. 

In this time of digital globalization, I find a lot more people feel even more isolated in a big city where millions of people live. It sounds weird one would say especially where every time we go out the house, we see people everywhere. At our core, we are relational being. Isn't the law, the Torah, the Ten Commandment is law about relationship? The first four are for vertical relationship with God, in which we are called to love God. The remaining six are for horizontal relationship with others, in which we are called to love our neighbors. (Exodus 20:1-17, Mark 12:29-31). Jesus said there is no other commandment greater than these in verse 31. It sums up all commandments that you love God and others by which can be exercised within relationship. 
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When we fail in our relationship with either God or others, we suffer as a person. As a worshiper by design, we would worship. Even when we don't worship God, we still worship. What we worship we serve. To know whom/what you worship, look at whom or what you serve. To be in service means we put ourselves as servant to who/what we serve. In other words, we are servant/enslaved to who/what we serve. If you serve money, you are slave to money. It has power over you. If you serve God, you are servant to God. He leads and reigns over your life. It is only when we serve the true God, we are completely free of any other slavery. To serve Him, you need to have right relationship with Him. Or else, you are serving Him, but abuse Him or make Him as 'genie' to grant your wishes. How wrong and cruel is that.

When we fail in our relationship with others, we can feel isolated. People in isolation can easily fall into depression. Depression that isn't taken care of would lead into detachment. Reasons that prevent people from connecting with others could be from a personal aspect or other people's related aspect. Shame can hinder someone to get out there and make real relationship where one can be known and seen by others. Our shame can block us from being vulnerable with others. Vulnerability is God's way of building intimacy. Vulnerability allows one to be his/her true self that could be hard to watch. However, vulnerability would allow others who love us to show true acceptance towards our true self and to choose to continue loving us. That sense of felt love from others can be extraordinarily liberating and healing. 

While we are still on this side of the world, every human beings are still sinners. We aren't completely free from sin yet before Jesus returns and restores all things. Be disappointed by others, lied to, rejected are what human beings are capable of doing to us. Nobody is perfect, you've heard it said. Also interesting that in the Lord's Prayer we daily pray for being forgiven and forgiving others. This world isn't sterile from sin. We aren't too. True and strong relationship would not be free from disagreement and conflict. It would have its highs and its lows. That is natural. We may fail and we can stand back up and try again to do better to love others each time. Having good relationships with others in life can be very rewarding. Consider this. Many great moments in life are those shared with people you love. Winning a competition is great. But, celebrating your winning with loved ones is the best experience and create lost-lasting memory. Losing money is unfortunate. But, losing money because you business partner cheated on you is the most heart-breaking one. Relationship can either make thing better or worse than it is by itself. Create more good relationships. Cherish those ones you have had. Be relational. 

Reflection:
1. Do you agree that you are relational being in need of good relationship with God and others?
2. Have you invested in relationships with others? Have them turn out to be good ones?
3. Are you currently 'isolating' yourself from social life? Would you see it as fulfilling life or unfulfilling?
4. What would you do differently knowing the importance of relationships in human's life?
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Hello friends! It's Good Friday today. It is appropriate then to write on topic about this special day that you and I cherish and are very grateful about. My hope is that you and I would walk away having read this blog with a reminder and conviction in our hearts that we truly need a Savior.

Concept of Savior
In these past few days, I've been reflecting a lot and the takeaway has been constantly a reminder of how much human beings need a Savior. As i browse for the etymology (study of origin and history of word) for the word 'savior', it is interesting to know that the earliest predicted time the word 'savior' used was in around 14th century (according to Merriam Webster Dictionary) and it is closely linked to Christianity. The concept of Savior is very christian. Apart from Christianity, there is no awareness and understanding about savior, salvation, deliverance and the need to be delivered and saved. The concept of saving tells us that:
1. the savior is the party with power and ability and skill and resource to act, whereas
2. the saved (saving-needed) party has no power nor ability nor skill nor resource and is passive
3. being remained within the unsaved circumstance indicates an impairment
4. the saving act is beneficial and putting for the saved (saving-needed) party at a better state

Going Round and Round
I had a conversation recently with an unbelieving friend. We talk about normal quotidian life occurrences. This friend presented facts that are valid in her stories and views. I could sense her struggles in seeking truth and wisdom in this world and holding onto them as guide and help as she goes about life. The conversation felt, to me, bleak, melancholic, hopeless. I see her genuineness in solving all matters in the best way she could however, unfortunately, she still finds no contentment, joy, in all these. No matter how good and careful  life is maneuvered within the realm of worldly views, at the end of the day one couldn't find true joy, contentment, meaning, hope in this world. And this is why. Because true joy, peace, and all the good, holy, beautiful, right things are no longer here in this fallen world. It is not possible to create any of those in the evil-present territory. We are helpless since we are in this side of fallen world. So, when you are overwhelmed with the trouble, the wearies, the pain of this world and strive so hard to make things right, I cheer you on for your determination, but I'd hope that you could seek help and deliverance beyond this world. 

Breaking Through
For that particular reason, a Savior is introduced and given. An outside force is needed to interfere into our lives, get into our territory and establish new territory for us to live, so that we can have a different option a different way of life from what we are offered with in this world. And thank God, He is a Good Savior, a loving One. Because He is good, He does good things. His intention is good. He means well. The way He saves us that He chose is getting onto the cross (what Good Friday is about). He destroyed our fears, our hopelessness, our curses, our sins, our shame, our guilt by taking them onto Himself, bearing the judgment, the curses, the sins, the guilts, the lawlessness in place of us. He provided us a wayout by means of opening a way to break free from sin and get to God, where the true joy, hope, peace, love can be found. Jesus said 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father but through Me.' (John 14:6). What we have been looking for in this world is ALL found in GOD through Christ. How we have needed this Savior to come and save us so we can escape the endless deep dark melancholy loop of life. 

Back to the conversation with the friend, I change the tone of the bleak conversation into a more hopeful one by means of bringing the Savior into the room, the situation. He brings light. 'that God is light, in Him there's no darkness at all' (1John1:5). He is our Hope. 'Yes, my soul find rest in God. My hope comes from Him' (Psalm 62:5). How blessed I feel to have a Savior. People need a Savior. May we who have known the Savior live in such a way that cares for others to know this Savior we adore. There's no light at the end of the tunnel if the Savior isn't factor in. 

Reflection:
1. Have you experienced heavy sense of hopelessness these days or weeks?
2. Would you see and face your situation differently should you know that a Savior has come and accomplished our salvation? 
3. What has/have changed for you knowing that Christ has borne your wounds and that through His stripes we are healed? 
4. Do you see people around you who need Savior as much as you and I do? Would you pray for God's grace over them to know this Savior and worship Him?

Click here to listen to 1-hour hymn on Good Friday on youtube

Hey there. I love this topic of codependency and I can't be more excited to blog today about it. I'm no expert here, however I'd like to share what I've learned through some research I've made. Why do I want to talk about this? Codependency is not good and can be very destructive to you if find yourself have this tendency. It is harmful to the relationship but it is even more harmful to you. My desire is to share this and bring it out to light so we can talk about it, put some thought, analyze and reflect on ourselves, change if we have this tendency or prevent ourselves from getting into this any time in the future. So, ready? Let's go.

I feel like codependency is so commonly found as one of the many aspects that forms an unhealthy relationship when you observe it carefully. Looking back, I've been acting as a codependent in some of past relationships I believe. So, if you think that you have this tendency after reading this post, please don't feel shameful about it. No shame in it. I've been there in some degree. This isn't to shame you or label you. This post is to remind us of the signs and to be careful for not feeding into it.

​What is codependency?
The word Codependency comes from two words: "co" meaning together, mutual, and "dependent" meaning dependent on something. This word 'codependent' was originally coined around 1970s for a specific meaning to refer to person who contributed to the addiction pattern of a substance dependent. For example, A has an addiction over alcohol. B is considered codependent when B's behaviors of dealing with A's frustration is giving way for A to take alcohol for stress or anger or anxiety relief. However, in today's world, codependency is no longer limited to substance-related dependent and behaviors. It is understood in a more general term where any relationship where one person becomes so focused on covering, overlooking, defending or facilitating another's unhealthy behaviors. 

Why do we need to watch out for codependency pattern in our relationships?
A codependent needs to be aware that his/her actions, which may most of time rooted out of kindness, sympathy and love for the dependent, may actually foster the unhealthy patterns of behavior of the dependent. Any unhealthy pattern of behavior that someone does, is supposedly, be reduced, stopped or changed because they are unhealthy, or not constructive to oneself and to the people around. We want to call out poor behaviors and find ways to turn from them and change so that we can grow to be healthy and fully functional human beings for ourselves, family and society. 

What are the signs of codependent relationship?
Having a bit understanding on codependency and its harm, how do you analyze our relationship and determine whether it is considered codependent? Here are some flags you can look for to help you determine potential of codependency in your relationship.
1. There is at least a harmful unhealthy behavior that's going on
​2. One person is dependent or actively practicing the unhealthy behavior to this date
3. The way the other person deals with the unhealthy behavior is covering up with giving in at all cost to avoid tension in the relationship
Those are very simplistic general signs to notice potential of codependency in a relationship. However, I don't want you to quickly label your relationship as codependent just based on three situations above. It is  un-wise to find one or few unhealthy behaviors of someone you are in relationship with, knowing that you have overlooked those, if you'd categorize them as, non-major unhealthy behaviors for some good reasons (one among them is understanding that no human is perfect and will never be and be patient about it) and decide that your entire relationship is codependency. This is taking the matter overly extreme. We want to completely avoid this extreme. 

What should I learn from here
There are numerous ways to categorize unhealthy behaviors. Some are based on moral standards, others might be from a social perspective, or ethical standpoint, even spiritual teachings. You'd rely on your discernment, as you have taught and learn from school, society, religion, family values or law on how to spot and name an unhealthy one. Realizing the way you cope with a harmful unhealthy behavior is in fact allowing it to continue to exist, or worse, to be more destructive, is worth your attention, thought and action to change. If you find that you have this tendency, you'd want to ask yourself why you are coping with the issue in a way that is codependent?

At one extreme point, a codependent can function without the sense of self. What I'm saying is for all the effort and attention given over to the other person, a codependent may not be able to answer questions that are addressed to them directly. For example, the answer to the question "what do you think about this?" for a codependent would sound like "well, my mum says.. " or "my boyfriend thinks.. " There's difficulty for this person to answer questions about them. It seems like he/she has difficulty in switching attention away from others to themselves because he/she has been striving all this time looking out away from them, their needs, their feelings and too busy focusing on others' needs, feelings, wants, to keep them happy. The codependent has neglected him/herself without being aware about it. 

Digging deeper
Self-neglecting brings alerts into mind. On one side, a codependent seems to value and weigh others better than him/her. There's truth in this "count others more significant than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3, ESV). However, it is clear that the counting others as more significant is understood in context of humility. The fuller phrase is "but in humility, values others above yourselves" (NIV). It is not read in the context of forgetting, neglecting or suppressing yourself at all circumstance. The avoiding or even running away from self is a sign of brokenness within oneself. When you are in relationship with others, you don't dissolve yourself and evaporate. You exist together and you connect with the other. You are YOU and your existence is meant for something good regardless of your past, fear, shame, guilt, mistake. The brokenness within you needs to be restored. Talk to a counselor or a pastor or an elder in a church seeking help on how to restore it back to the image of God, which is your core identity.

There's fear lying inside a codependent of abandonment from the other person that keep him/her hostage. The idea of not being enough can be paralyzing when it is the only voice you hear all day in your head. We are social beings, communal, but we aren't relying on others to survive. Adam, the first man, was created as a perfect individual. God gave him Eve not because Adam wasn't enough. Adam was perfect and good. God gave Eve to Adam because community makes us better people. 

Reflection
1. Do you notice any sign of codependent tendency?
2. If yes, would you rate it as severe? Do you think you've mostly functioning as a codependent to keep your relationship out of trouble, and keep everyone happy?
3. Could you name any fear, shame, guilt that feeds into your codependent tendency?
4. If you want to turn around and stop being a codependent, what would you do or who among your church leaders whom you perceive have the competence to assist that should you contact asking for help? Don't be shy to ask for help. 

Note: If you need to learn more, go and check Dr. Allison Cook's podcast on What is Codependency and Why Does It Matter? 

What a question for the first blog post! Nevertheless, how do you take that question? Have you ever taken that thought and reality of being born a female as something you are happy about thus make you also to feel proud about it, confident with your femininity, excited about your naturally more nurturing side, accept the hormonal challenge of your monthly cycle, and so on. If you do feel them, that is a sign that you embrace your female identity in a more positive direction. However, I bet you may have also experienced one or more from these situations that I'm going to share next. You are more restricted from going out alone than that of your brothers. You are expected to do more house chores. You are told to focus on kids and quit your career. I can feel you and I'm sorry that we've to be limited in some sense because of our gender.

​Now, I'm not going to list things people should or shouldn't do to female. That's not my intention for this article. Neither is it to compare whether being a female or male is better for you and me. No. We don't want to live in such a way that we get stuck in wanting something we aren't. That's not helping. We want to live thriving as we accept what is, see the potentials we can be and move towards discovering, learning, adapting, desiring, mastering, sharing and helping others along the way. 

First thing first. Gratitude. 
Gratitude is such a good ground for thriving life. When you are grateful, it can be pictured as your arms are wide open. It's a welcoming posture. You are at peace. No one owes you anything or is to be blamed for your situation. You are calm and relax. Try this. Thing about something you are grateful for, right now. And say it as you mean it. Not agreeing in your thought and mind only but also agreeing with your heart. Pay attention what happened after saying that. Your body feels less tense, am I right?

Next, have you ever expressed your gratitude (to your Maker) for making you as female? I may not know your story. You may have endured so many hardships because you are a female in your family, workplace, community, society, or even country. Tough, it can be tough being a female in this unjust world. However, I want to tell you, you are not punished because you are created a female. There is society that put males before females. I grew up in Chinese culture and I understand how it feels. But, even the culture treats females are less important, I'm telling you again, you and I aren't less because of what the culture tells us. 

We are helper.
The original idea of the female design, dated back to the initial creation of world and human beings, is to make the female a helper to the male. The word helper here doesn't mean like a servant in this modern society, or how we called our housemaid. The helper in the idea of the Creator is someone equal to assist the male counterpart. It is a complementary design, neither better nor less. It is a different design but would function as a team (couple) to make the world a better place. I hope the word(s) that you'll use to describe male and female is no longer a comparison who's better or less, but more directed to how different they are. The word 'different' helps us to frame our perspective. We should then be more flexible to accept the ideas that male and female don't always have to be the same, such as play the same role, have the same career achievement, work in the same industry, etc. It's okay that they are different because they are naturally created distinctively. And, that's very good. 

I know some of you would may question in your heart "Well that's ideal, but in reality and practice, is it even possible?" I feel you. So many things in life doesn't go perfectly as how it is supposed to be. For example, a single parent may have to play double role as a mother and a father for the kids. And, this is how I'd want to respond when you face situation in which you don't see it quite plausible to live fully as how you are designed. I want to encourage you to be patient. Knowing how we are designed to be yet living it out a different way to how we are designed in this present time is going to cause some tension within you. However, in your best effort, slowly and steadily work out the re-orientation to your design as much as you can. Nobody is going to be perfectly living according to her design in this world. This is plain truth. Therefore, don't be disappointed when you find yourself are still at a distance from where you should be. The good news is we know how we are designed and our design is meant for a purpose - complementing. 

Focus on what you've been created with.
Scientists have talked a lot about how different male and female anatomy are. Male and female brain aren't wired the same. If you are interested on this topic and want to dig deeper, you can do research on your own away from this blog. Going forward with the understanding that we are different, now we want to look further into what is special about our female design. 

Women are better in showing empathy. Women has the capacity to sense emotional cues than men in general. Therefore, a child would normally run to their mother to seek comfort because a mother would offer a hug and make the child feel ten times better. A father would probably focuses on causes and rationalize why the child need comfort. Imagine if everyone of us has only dad in our lives. Can you quickly think of what could have been missing hadn't mum been in your lives?

Women are better in multitasking. If you are or have been or have seen someone who is a mother with young child as a full-time caregiver and housewife, you can imagine the almost seem like endless list the mum has for everybody else - the husband, the child, the other children if any, and herself. Men would be amazed with our capacity in multitasking. We are equipped with this capacity according to our design in child-bearing. 

And of course many more. The world needs some feminine touch to make it a better place. A female finds it natural to organize the house and seeks way to beautify it with some color coordination for example. An office space will look and feel different when there's one female colleague in that room. Maybe the pantry will look different because instead of forever being in the store-bought packaging, now the sugar is re-organized nicely in an airtight jar. 

I love womanhood and I celebrate it. A world with women in it is intended to make it better for men and for the world. Let's embrace and cherish our female design. 

Reflection.
1. Have you always appreciate being born a female?
2. Which character of female design that stands out to you the most?
3. Would you live more purposefully as a female for your family, workplace, society?
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